Emily

Today I was talking to a friend of mine whom I haven't spoken with in a while. We tend to speak sporadically, and today was a sporadic day I suppose. Anyway, he was telling me about how well he knew me, and that he'd always know me really well. I told him that I had changed a lot and that I probably wasn't the same person he knew a year ago. He told me that I was wrong, and that deep down I was still the same girl. I would love to believe that, but I just don't think it's true.

Change is the essence of life, and I can tell you that I am not the same girl I was a year, or two years, or three years (etc.) ago. Don't get me wrong, there are certain aspects of your being that will never change, and make you, inherently, you. I just think that thinking you know another person on a deep, personal level when you haven't really had much contact with them in recent months is an awful assumption to make. I guess it just kind of set me off because I know all the changes that I've been through in the past year and a half or so since this friend and I had stopped talking regularly. Hmmm oh well.

I am going to be late for my Western Civ II class today, I know it.

Gang fights with Irish accents,
Emily

I love Cherry Coke. Anyways. Today I was reading about couples who renew their vows. I read about the process and the rationale and then some stories of couples who did it. It was so cute. It's too bad that finding two people so dedicated in a relationship (not just one person putting themselves into the relationship and the other kind of blowing it off) is so hard. I don't think I've ever met any couple who has renewed their vows. My own mother has been divorced once, as has my step-creature (he's not a father). Step-creature...nice word. My grandmother was divorced once. My biological failure as a father has been divorced not once, not twice, but three times. And his first wife killed herself a month into their marriage. Her name was Shannon. Then there was my mother, Michelle, and Kathy. Oh, and he almost married a crackhead named Heidi in between Michelle and Kathy. You go James Victor. My uncle on my dad's side is divorced and remarried, while the other uncle on that side just never did get married and continues to live with my grandmother to this day. Thankfully, my two aunts on my mother's side have never divorced, and consequently, never remarried. What is the point of all this? I was just thinking that when I do get married, I don't want to get divorced 300 times. In fact, I don't want to get divorced at all. I want to stick it out through the bad and the good, financial prosperity and hardship, sickness and health, children or no children, good jobs and lost jobs, vacations from hell and vacations to paradise, yadda yadda the list goes on. I want to make sure that the man I marry is ready to get married, and is as completely in love with me as I am with him. I wouldn't want to spend my life married to a man who isn't as devoted, and isn't as madly in love as I am. That's where trust comes in. I'm expected to trust that my partner feels the same, if not more for me, than I for him. I'm expected to trust that he holds the same ideals and wants similar things out of a relationship. I am just not sure that I would ever be able to trust someone like that. It scares me. I want to, and I try to, but there is always doubt in the back of my mind. I just always feel that you can never be 110% positive about the other person. That is something that I really have to work on. I don't think that any relationship will be able to grow and remain healthy without a continuing proportional increase in trust as well. Jesus I sounds like my economics teacher.

I suppose I'm just scared that I'm not going to grow up and have the relationships that I so crave. Ever since I was little, I've had this wonderful idea that I would get married young, have 2-3 children and live the rest of my life in marital bliss with my adoring husband. Fast forward 17 years. I'm a lot more skeptical. I tend to throw myself into serious relationships. I also tend to get more attached and more devoted than my partner. As a result of being attached, I care about him (sorry ladies I'm straight) immensely and can "come on too strong." I can't help it. I care about people, I love the people that I'm close to. I can only hope that the man I marry is as devoted to me as I know I will be/am to him...That's what I crave in a relationship. Devotion and honesty and love. Is it really all that hard? What could be more fufilling than a life with someone you're completely in love with? It's weird to think that I will most likely be realizing or disproving my thoughts on marriage in the next decade. In ten years from now I will be 27 going on 28. Oh my god.

Emily

Under the mister.

Yeah I'm really tired and stressed lately. This is a big sorry to pretty much everyone I know. I have been breaking down slowly but surely in front of all of you. My troubles will be over with graduation on Friday, thank god. However, it only begins a whole new set of challenges. God I feel like life is a game show. Legends of the Hidden Temple. Only me. And I'm stuck in the room with that monkey thing. Grrr. Whatever. Also, I cannot find my headphones, so if anyone is looking for a good Christmas gift, there you go. Headphones. Sooo last night I went to go see Circa Survive. They are a very talented group of individuals, and I highly recommend them. Highly. I have no idea why I'm typing like I'm on crack. Eh.

Emily

I haven't updated this in a long while. Yesterday I went to go see Measure for measure (yes the second 'm' is lower case) at the O'Reilly as preformed by the London Globe Theatre Company. It was amazing. I spoke with the artistic director of the London Globe Theatre. I even got to participate towards the end. All in all, a very nice night. That was about it. I got home pretty late and the roads sucked. My mother yelled at me as soon as I got home, as per usual. I called Michael, got some food, and got into bed. I had a lot of trouble falling asleep though. For some reason I was just thinking and couldn't relax. I ended up falling asleep around 2ish...and I had a really strange dream. I was taking care of all of my friends because they were all drunk and throwing up. I was calling everyone 'sweetheart' and 'honey'. For some reason I was so concerned about these two certain friends of mine...hmmm. I have to admit that I worry about these two people daily in real life. I'm sure it's just conscious mingling with subconscious.

Today I was sitting in English, minding my own business like I always do. He who will not be named started talking about Motion City Soundtrack. I wanted to kill him.

Emily

1. Your full name? Emily Elizabeth
2. Hair Color? Brown
3. Eye Color? Brown
4. Height? 5'5 1/2"
5. Weight? 125
6. Favorite Color? Pink
7. Mother and Father's full names? John and Rebekah Scheid
8. Brothers/Sisters full names? Mary Victor and John Scheid
9. If you could change your whole name, what would it be? Elizabeth something
10. If you could change your hair color, what would it be? Darker
11. Your eye color? Blue
12. Would you like to have tan or fair skin? tan
13. Do you have tan or fair skin? fair
14. What do you look for in a guy? Passion, honesty
15. What's your favorite band or singer? Gatsbys American Dream/Nic Newham
16. If you could have one wish, what would it be? To skip the awkward adolescent phase
17. Do you beleive there is someone for everyone? yes
18. What religion are you? none
19. Do you follow that religion? sure
20. Who is your best friend? Danielle and Tom
21. Who do you consider to be your "group" of friends? I don't have a "group" of friends
22. Favorite food? pierogies
23. Favorite drink? green tea
24. Favorite alcohol? vodka
25. Do you do drugs? yeah
26. If so, which ones? weed
27. Do you get along with your family? not reall
28. Who is your boyfriend right now? Michael
29. If you don't have a boyfriend, who do you like? Michael
30. What are your favorite TV shows? I don't watch tv really
31. Movies? A lot
32. Do you like to read? I love it
33. What are your favorite books? 1984, Brave New World, Oxford History of Ancient Egypt, Walden, Beowulf, Grendel, The Mists Of Avalon, Lord of the Rings
34. If you had to give up one thing in your life, what wouid it be? My family
35. Do you plan on going to college? Yeah
36. If so, where and what will your major be? My advisor is suggesting a double major of history and english lit.
37. Do you like school? not really
38. Why or why not? because i think it's boring
39. How many CD's do you own? a lot
40. What kinds of music do you enjoy? all kinds save country
41. Do you like children? yes
42. Do you plan on having any? yes
43. Where do you see yourself in 20 years? married and almost 40
44. Do you like what you see? sure
45. Do you think your smart? i guess
46. Do you ever wish you were somene else? yes
47. If so, who? i dunno, just not me
48. Who do you hate with all your heart? i don't have anyone with all my heart
49. Why do you hate them? jdjdalsef
50. Do you trust people? it depends who
51. What's your favorite animal? tiger
52. Do you have any pets? yes
53. If so, what are they and what are their names? dog, dyna
54. When is your birthday? October 7th
55. Are you afraid of anything? Anyone? Liquid laundry detergent
56. If so, who and what? see above
57. If you do have children later on, what will there full names be? I dunno I'll let my husband/boyfriend name them
58. What's your favorite subject in school? economics
59. Least favotite? probably art
60. Where would you like to live? not in pittsburgh
61. Why? because it's boring
62. What do yuo think should be diffrent in the world you live in? a lot
63. Do you see yourself as having morals? yes
64. If so, which ones? uh i dunno a lot
65. Are you conservative or liberal? liberal
66. Describe yourself in 5 words or less. weird, tired, reader, quiet, love
67. Are you afraid to die? nope
68. What do you think happens when you do die? i have no idea
69. Are you a virgin? no
70. If not, do you wish you were? no
71. Where do you currently live? pittsburgh
72. What are you thinking about right now? babysitting
73. What kinds of clothes do you typicaly wear? Whatever i pull out of the closet

Wow. Life is strange. Last night I was online researching various myths, and works of literature. All the while I couldn't help but think about religion's role in such. The more I read into (especially Hebrew) mythology, the more and more I think that the Judeo-Christian idea of "God" is just wrong. There are so many biblical inaccuracies, not to mention just plain ridiculousness. The book has obviously been heavily edited as well. What many people consider the Bible is not the entire book...there are many references in the contained books to people and deities who are found in "lost" books. If these books of the Bible were meant to be lost, and not accepted as the truth like the rest of the Bible, then why would their characters and stories and ideas be alluded to later? Sure, the Bible is a great read, and I'm by no means bashing it, I just think that people searching for "God" and truth and religion shouldn't necessarily accept the Bible as the end-all be-all.

Personally, I drift in that happy medium between calling myself an "atheist" and "agnostic". There are days when it seems like there just has to be some higher power directing things. I don't think that such a higher power is the Judeo-Christian "God" however. On the other hand, many times I feel as if there is no higher power, and no real pre-planned purpose. Most of the time I would say I'm leaning towards being agnostic moreso than atheist. I tend to believe that things happen for a reason, and I believe in fate. I don't like to think that you're life ends when you physically die, but I really don't know. What's coming next? I'm not sure. I'm not sure that there is a human-like, male figure sitting on a golden throne in the heavens directing his angels around and watching mankind destroy each other. Rather, I tend to think of God as energy; a life-force of sorts.

One of the reasons I'm somewhat hesitant to shun the idea of a higher power altogether: the unexplained...How do you explain the experiences of those who have "died" and been revived; how do you explain stories of reincarnation with physical manifestations; how do you explain the feeling that you're not alone; how do you explain the inherent knowledge of good and evil? I know I don't have answers for any of it, but haven't these questions plagued humanity for all time? There is a constant search for truth, enlightenment, happiness, love, God, and the answer to why we're here/how. I know I'm just another one out of the myriads who have sat around contemplating the meaning of life, the true nature of God, and religion. Is the search for truth not one of the qualities that makes us human?

Why would we develop the capacity to love? Is it evolutionarily beneficial? Would a human race incapable of love survive? I think they would. Not only do humans have the capacity to love, but they have a drive for it. Love is, essentially, a human need. I don't think you could find many people who will tell you that they would be happier going through life completely free of love. Science won't tell us why love is such a strong, important, essential emotion. I'm not so sure that organized religion will either.


I have too much free time on my hands,
Emily

I kind of miss all my art class entries from last year, so here we go. I remember kickin' back in my big chair in the photography room with Mr. K yelling at me to do something productive and just tuning him out with my iPod. Sometimes I would go visit Lindsey over in crafts. Sometimes I would take the digital camera and take random pictures of people opening their lockers. I'm thinking that I might just miss this old place in general when my time here is up come January 3rd. There will only be a handful of people I know that I'll keep in touch with, and that's sad. I can name 5 people that I will continue talking to. Otherwise, I'm just not sure. I am starting to feel old. Hmmmm.....I'm 16 going on 50. Sweet.

Last night, when I couldn't sleep, I chilled in bed and listened to Beethoven and Mozart. I had all but forgotten my love of classical piano. It made my fingers ache -- I wanted to play so bad. Not that I could play either Beethoven or Mozart, but there is something amazing about sitting down at a piano and just making music. Making music in general is amazing. If you think about it, very simply, music is just pleasant vibration against your eardrums. Little vibrations conducted thru the air and into your head. Interesting.

Happy Birthday to me tomorrow!
Emily Elizabeth

Today I was sick. I stayed home and had a slight fever/bad headache/sore throat...overall I just felt under the weather (I promise there is a point to this entry). Soooo I went back to bed until 11 am-ish. I had a really crazy dream about the world ending and then got really freaked out by the sound of the rain outside. I got up and drove back to my old house and chilled on the floor for a while (my bed is gone:(). My mom woke me up when her and my step-dad came in to get their computer and move it up to the new house to set up the internet. Blah blah, I went back up to the new house, watched a lot of tv, took a shower, talked to mi amor, went to work. While I was at work, I sat around and mulled over various subjects that had been nagging me all day.

First, I thought about where I am right now. In life I mean. I realized how fast 1 year really goes. 1 year ago, not only was I a completely different person physically, mentally, and emotionally, but I was also surrounding myself with a completely different group of people and lifestyle choices. After I broke up with a boy I had been dating for 2 years I went completely crazy. I completely indulged in things I shouldn't have indulged in. I hated myself. My life began to revolve around the next good cut I could get, or what new trouble I could get into. I smoked myself out every weekend. One weekend, I went to a party at a good friend's house, and got drunk off my ass. I ended up hooking up with someone, and then dating him. I was rebounding...hard. My feelings for him were honest, however. He introduced me to my next boyfriend, and I really really fucked boy #1 over, and that's something I felt terrible about because he is a very nice person and definately didn't deserve it. Boy #2 didn't mind my stoner-habits, although I'm not sure he knew the extent of it. The bulk of that relationship was long-distance, as he was in college for a little over half the time we dated. He didn't see a lot of the depressive episodes I put my friends and family thru back home. After he came home, the relationship hit a point where it went downhill...very quickly. That broke my heart. I'll admit that I spent a few nights fucked up on various substances over it. It didn't make me feel better at all...soooo, I decided that I would give all of it up, because it really just wasn't worth it. I realized that in order to truly let myself heal, I had to do it by myself. Relying on something that distorts your perception of reality to cope with life is just wrong. I'm not being hypocritical by asserting this, rather, I'm speaking from experience. Almost immediately after breaking up with boy #2, boy #3 came along. I didn't really date boy #3, he was a pure rebound victim. Once again, he is very nice and probably didn't deserve my lack of feeling/sincerity/caring. Also, I was still struggling to stay away from the substances that had offered their comfort for so many months. After that, I was convinced I would be single for a long time. But, one year later brings me to Charlie.

Second, I thought about school and the new set of challenges that await me in just a few months. Has high school really prepared me for what lies ahead? I'm not so sure. I'm already being hit with the reality of finances, bills, budgeting, working, driving, responsibility...but am I ready to take on the world alone? Am I ready to leave the shelter of my parents home and carve out my own little niche? Am I still too naive to face the real world? I have my doubts, but if anything, I'm excited. I'm excited to find out, and I'm excited to try. I think that's what counts. Everyone has their chance to succeed, and everyone, at some point, has their failures. Either way, I'm hopeful and I'm willing to try my best. Of course I'm scared and nervous, but I know that although it's somewhat of a solitary journey, I'm not alone...and in a world with so full of negativity, the aforementioned thought is comforting.

It's been a while since I typed out an actual entry of substance, and I hope that this somewhat makes up for my recent lack of attention.

It's biblical how fucked my sleep can be.
Emily

I am so blessed. I am so lucky. I am so happy.


<333All the love in the world,
Emily

:x

I haven't updated in a while and, haha, I have a lot to say.


About U


Name: Emily


age: 16


sex: yes please

eye colore: Brownish, but in some pictures/in bright light they're dark green around the outside


hair colore: blonde obviously


where do u live have u lived there all your life: I live in a cardboard box, and yes, I've lived here all my waking life.


fav movie: the virgin suicides, donnie darko, requiem for a dream, wet hot american summer, etc.


fav song: oh i can't even pick...right now it's probably "Still" by the Geto Boys hahaha...just listen to it!


fav food: mmm perogies!


fav colore: PINK


fav Drink: green tea and pineapple banana orange juice...mmm


Fav colthing brand: i dunno, whatever i feel like wearing


fav subject in school: history/econ.


fav fast food place: ummmmm subway




would u ever


drink: done it


smoke: done it


give oral sex: done it


recive oral sex: done it


drive drunk: NO


take oxy cotton: actually, it's oxycontin, and no


beat up somone for no reason: uhh i do it all the time, omgwtfbbq


cuss a teacher out: HELLZ YA EFFING BITCHES MOFO


tell someone u hated them: i've done it, but don't really mean it


jump off a bridge: with a bungee cord


rob a store: haha ya lemme get my ski mask


jump somone: i beat bitches UP.


eat pig brains:


have sex with your best friends b/f:


fake death: damn it feels good to be a gangsta


run away: haha i tried that once when i was like, 7


skip school: done it...and i am planning on it for my birfdai


meet somone in pareson from online: as long as i had muh bodayguard


Watch porn: wtf i AM porn






have u ever


givein oral sex: yes


ran away: not really


drank; yes


smoked: yes


had sex: yes


killed somone: umm ya me and my gang duh


been in jail: last night


taken oxy cotton: OXYCONTIN AND NO


drivin drunk: i've driven stoned if that counts


lied to someone: yes


Threatin to kill somone: my sister


skip school: yes


jumped off a bridg: um ya last night, that's why i was in jail


drove with out permission: mmhmm


cussed your mom or dad out: only if i wanted to get punched in the face


rob something: no


been attracted to someone much older than u: how much is much older?


dated your best best friends b/f or g/f: not while they were still dating


hit somone for no reason: yes, all the time


spit on somone: nope


this or that




night/day: night time is the right time


pink/purple: PINKNESS


winter/summer: i like both. winter is good for cuddling


hot/cold: hotttt


vanilla/strawvberry/: uhhh vanija


Mcdonals/BurgerKing: neither


Wal-Mart/K-mart: targiiit


jens/shorts: ew i don't really wear shorts


tennie shoes/boots: boots


short sleevs/long sleevs: long sleeves


dvd/vcr: DvDs


computer/phone: for talking?


cell phone/house phone: cell phone


car/truck: i'm a ford truck man (HA)


lip gloss/lip stick: glossin' it


rings/necklaces: both


pizza hut/dominos: uhh monte cello's


ford,dodge: ford


house/aprment: box


moutain dew/Dr pepper: DP babeeee


school/home: home run


cd/tape: mp3


tight jeans/lose jeans: all my pants are too loose :(


stright hair/currly hair: my hair is so straight i would love curly hair


bath/shower: bubble bath!


loud/quite: quite what?


math/history: history!


jacket/pull overe: i love my track jackets and hoodies


spongeBob/Carebears: umm both!


what comes to mind when u hear these names


madison: square garden


jake: the snake


ashley: common


lyssa: wtf


lori: bird


mark: check


matt: the kid at work


luke: the kid with too much saliva


dustin: afterdrama


justin: oh god


jason: OH GOD


tori: spelling


beth: little women


jeremy: haha...HAHA


samantha: the one with dark hair


nick: the one that sucks


andrew: hearing aids


chris: slutbag


selena: GOT SHOT


cody: hahaha


Stephen: triplet


Chelsey: clinton


Brittany: a dog


kristin: the bisexual


amber: is the color of your energy whoa


Abby: monks


what comes to mind when u see these colores


pink-n-black: pop punk


orange-red: fire


purple-brown: uhh gross? pink and brown look much nicer


red-grey: sad


blue-white: shirt i wore today


lime green-hot pink: gross


baby pink-hot pink: myspace


yellow-pink: flowers


black-yelllow: BEEEZ

What's up? This weekend was amazing.


A

Maze

Ing.


Understand that I don't understand you,
Emily

I love Taking Back Sunday. Actually, I never really used to. I used to listen only on occasion, but lately it's all I've been listening to (along with GAD and Finch and Jacks Mannequin and so on of course haha). This morning when I was driving to school, I realized that one of my favorite mixes that I made was starting to fuck up because it's so scratched now. I also forgot my tea. I was up until like, 2 am last night talking to people haha :)...not that I mind! It was kind of hard to stay awake 1st pd...AP Econ at 8am blah no fun. I have an AP Stats test today too. I suck at math, I don't know why I even took this class. It's not hard, but I would rather be in a science class. Altho, this gives me 5 math credits. Hmmm...I'm too effing tired to speak/think/write coherently so I'm just not going to try.

If you're one of the 2930812 people asking me who Brenda is, here you go.

Brenda lived in Pittsburgh until 2 years ago. During that time she worked with my mother for a number of years, and after a while became best friends. Brenda got married and moved down to Biloxi Beach Mississippi with her husband Brad, and their 2 year old daughter in 2003. They had another daughter later that year, making them 4 and 2 now, respectively. If you don't know Biloxi Beach MS is in the Gulf Coast...and was hit particularly hard by the hurricane. My mom talked to Brenda a few days before Katrina, and Brenda was saying she wasn't going to evacuate because she wanted to stay and work in the hospital, but she didn't know what Brad and the girls were going to do. Well, my mom called her the night before the storm, and got no answer. She called Brenda's cell phone multiple times throughout the past few days, and filed missing persons reports with all the rescue organizations, etc. Last night, she located Brad's (Brenda's husband) mother, who lived in a New Orleans suburb. The news wasn't good. No one has heard from them, and the last time they talked, Brenda and her family weren't planning on evactuating. The neighborhood where Brenda lived was featured in a newspaper yesterday, and they were talking about pulling bodies out of the houses...needless to say, my mother is incredibly distraught, but I'm not giving up hope.



You know how I do,
Emily

I don't know what is going on. All the sudden I did ten million things wrong, and I didn't see it as anything worth getting upset over. Oh boy. Oh fall out boy why do you suck so hardcore? (You hurrrrd it Maria).



It's time to dance,
Emily <3

Summer is officially over. One more chapter of my life has come to an end, and honestly I'm thankful. So very thankful. For a summer so full of drama, heartache, happiness, and fun, it's only fitting to write a final entry dedicated to the heaven and hell that was my summer of 2005.

June started out great. I had great friends, a wonderful boyfriend, a job that kept me (for the most part) financially comfortable, and so much to look forward to. For a while, everything revolved around my social life. Every free second of my day was devoted to my loving boyfriend, who I constantly doted on. When he was preoccupied with work, I spent time with my family and friends (and still made lots of time for my best friend, Danielle). June 25th rolled around and I went on vacation with Danielle and her family. The first night I ended up crying myself to sleep due to less than stellar cirumstances (apparently I take some of my relationships too seriously). The rest of the vacation was a blast though. I met a lot of really fun and interesting people, and just relaxed as much and as often as possible.

I came home from vacation in July to my boyfriend and friends, who I had missed a great deal while being gone. I spent lots of time with everyone, and got myself back into the flow of life at home. I went to concerts, wrote songs, wrote poetry, met people, and basically had as much fun as possible...then, towards the end of the month, the unthinkable happened...yep, relationship woes. My boyfriend broke up with me, we got back together, and then broke up again. Needless to say this created many doubts, questions, crying fits, poetry writing sessions, conversations, hugs, and general unrest.

August 1st rolled around and it was time for Warped Tour. My heart was still in a state of shock, and hearing one of my favorite bands play "our" song didn't exactly help. I enjoyed it, but not as much as I should have. The ex-boyfriend was still taking up thoughts in the back of my mind. I managed to have a ton of fun though, and figured what didn't kill me would only make me stronger. Throughout August I met and grew closer to a bunch of people who I am incredibly grateful to be acquainted and associated with. I had incredibly insightful conversations with friends. Conversations that shed light upon many doubts and unanswered questions. Needless to say, I am ending this month with a mostly-healed heart, some new friends, and great expectations for the coming year.

I learned so much this summer. I think the most valuable lesson I am taking away from the past few months is this: Be careful. Be careful who you trust. Be careful who you invest your time and faith and love into. Be careful to whom you give your heart. Be careful not to take everything too seriously. Anything and everything in your life can change in an instant, and it tends to happen while you're not looking or not expecting it. I am walking away from August a different person than the little girl who fell head-first into June. A part of me is sad that yet again, a bit of innocence was lost, and yet again, it is proven that no one stays the same. However, I'm incredibly grateful for the experiences. You live and learn. This summer I've had a bit of both, and it has been amazing.

Thank you for showing me a wonderful summer, and thank you for being a part of my life. I love all of you (even when I don't show it). Honestly, this summer has been nothing short of wonderful, even if it did have it's share of mistakes/tears. Here's to senior year. Here's to new experiences. Here's to new beginnings.

With all the love in the world,
Emily

Danielle walked into the room, and I was tipping back in her chair trying to find a song to listen to...

D - "What's wrong with you?"
E - "Everything...(pause)...my life is a dark abyss tightening its grip on me like a pair of my little sister's jeans"
D - "Hahaha yeah well the thing is, 'everything' was your natural response. Emo kid."
E - "Haha I hate you."

I was quoting this: emosong.ytmnd.com

I am sitting in Danielle's room waiting for her to get out of the shower so I can take her to work. Hooray for boredom.

ANYWAY

Last night was...sweet. I had some great conversations. Great great great.

I love life.

For all the world we did not see, and all the smiles you gave to me, they're so contagious, so very fake.

Oh my god. Last night was fucking incredible. Seriously, it was by far the BEST night of the summer. I thought all the best memories were in the beginning, when I was still with the liar of the century....but no. I cannot even begin to tell you how awesome it was. Through a series of amazingly fucked up events, I ended up sitting on the hood of my car at 3 AM just staring at the sky, and then I just fucking chilled outside for so long. It was perfect. I didn't sleep at all....it was just what I needed to find myself again. Honestly for the first time in just about a month I feel completely like my old self. Hallefuckinglujah.

I did burn myself though. I was sitting here typing with my tea sitting in front of me, and I managed to knock it into my lap...fun! Gotta love searing hot water between your legs. Anyway. Yeah. We ended up back at Danielle's house around 730/8 and we just passed out on the couch. I woke up and drove home and slept some more...went to work (I love my job hardcore) and made enough in tips to fill up my gas tank and get dinner...drove around for a while with no real intention of going anywhere...came home...and here I am. How exciting almost kind of.

I'd scream this song right in your face if you were here.

Love,
The Sweetness

This was supposed to be posted yesterday morning

Last night was not a good night. The night before that was not a good night. I dunno what's going on. I guess the whole 'I'm alone' thing hit me....hard. I was thinking about college in the spring. I was so excited for a long time, but now it's kind of turning into "wow I didn't think I would be doing all of this by myself". I have problems with loneliness. I'm scared of being alone, and thats exactly what I am. I succeed in pushing everyone else away. I've decided to throw myself into work, school, and music. I was on my way to get another job application last night, when I stopped into Monte Cello's to say hi to everyone. I ended up working for 2 hours because they got slammed. I'm also going to take piano lessons again. My mother agreed to buy me them for my birthday. As for school, I'm going to have to take all of my finals before Christmas break...so yeah...enough said. But in a few weeks I should be working 3 jobs, going to school, and taking some piano lessons. Here we go...

Yesterday I almost fainted. That wasn't fun. It was completely my fault though. I have pretty much stopped eating lately. I don't know whether it's just stress or what, but it's not good and I don't have the willpower to change it haha. At the beginning of the summer I was a good 135-138...right now I range anywhere from 115 to 120. Yeah. Anyway, I was moving clothes up to my new house, and I just couldn't carry a full laundry basket of clothes up the stairs. I seriously had to sit down for a while. Fucking pathetic.

My friend Kenny called me last night. I haven't talked to him much in the past year or so. After last summer, we all just kind of drifted apart (Me, Eamonn, Rocco, Pete, Kenny, Danielle). Anyways...he's setting up a recording studio in his house which is sweet. His neighbor is a musical genius...seriously...so I think he's going to be helping out with that too. We talked for a while, and I told him I would call him when I had some free time (which will probably be tuesday) and we would hang out because I haven't seen him all summer except for those random times last week. I'm probably going to get some people together to watch him and Ian play down at the park some time soon as well.


Te Amo,
Emily

Yeah. It's 240 in the morning and I'm awake. I have been awake for the past 18 hours.

A - Age you got your first kiss: 14

B - Band listening to right now: Motion City Soundtrack

C - Crush: it's a secret :)

D - Dad's name: Jackson Faye

E - Easiest person to talk to: Almost everyone.

F - Favorite ice cream: Coldstone Birthday Cake Remix...oh shiithe

G - Gummy worms or gummy bears?: I like muddy bears from Canada.

H - Hometown: P-burgh

I - Instruments: Guitar, Pianobanana

J- Junior High: D-Ville MidSchool

K - Kids: I have none. But I'd like up to 3.

L - Longest car ride ever: Literally- to Ft. Lauderdale FLA...What seemed like the longest- probably driving around today while I was pissed off.

M - Mom's name: Becky "the Bulldog" Scheid

N - Nicknames: Em, Emmy (haha the random dude at smalls called me Emmy), EmVic, EVictor, Emma, Slutbag

O - One wish: To be happy and safe.

P - Phobia[s]: oh god I'm not even saying. If you know me, you know what it is.

Q - Quote: I'm doin' a hundred on the highway, so if you do the speed limit, get the fuck outta my way! I'm D.U.I., hardly ever caught sober -- and you about to get ran the FUCK over!!!

R - Reason to smile: Every awesome person that surrounds me.

S - Song you sang last: Insomniatic Meat, Finch...in the car on the way to Danielle's

T - Time you woke up today: 10:30ish

U - Unknown fact about me: I have a sucky relationship history.

V - Vegetable you hate: Ugh, anything that comes from a can.

W - Worst habit(s): Speeding, Singing to myself, biting my lip

X - X-rays you've had: 2

Y - Yummy food: Hummus

Z - Zodiac sign: I'm a dragon, grr.

Bloody Hell,
Emily